Quartet

Dustin Hoffman's directorial debut Quartet delves into the cutesy secret lives of retirees when an old opera singer rekindles a romance with his ex through the sexy magic of Rigoletto.

What’s the deal?

Beecham House is a home for retired, gifted musicians. Amongst the array of vaudevillians, directors and orchestra musicians are former opera stars Reg (Tom Courtenay), dapper old slut Wilf (an unrecognisable Billy Connelly) and ‘forgetful’ Cissy (former Shirley Valentine Pauline Collins), once famed for their version of Rigoletto’s quartet. Shit goes down when the fourth member of their quartet – Reg's ex-wife and mega-diva Jean Horton (Maggie Smith) – arrives, just as it's revealed Beecham House is on the brink of financial ruin. Suddenly, the titular quartet is persuaded to reform for one final, historic time to bring in the cash.

It’s good!

Quartet’s a nice little film. It’s got nice acting, it's filmed in a location with nice landscape and has a nice enough little plot.

What’s wrong with you?

There are some gaping narrative plotholes that, reminiscent of The Room, go absolutely nowhere. Wilf has a dizzy spell? Never mentioned again. There is an ENTIRE scene where Reg has this interaction with a young dude about rap – also never mentioned again, until the kid miraculously appears as an extra in the audience at the end of term concert. Wha? Beecham House is supposedly so beset by financial difficulties in that it’s on the brink of foreclosure – but hang on, aren’t its inhabitants rich famous old musos? What, aren’t they paying to live there??? Then who is???? Not on my taxes! Everyone’s wafting around in silk dressing gowns and ordering up monstrous flower arrangements for the front room, or wandering around the enormous grounds - which apparently includes a small town church - playing croquet and shit. And the upkeep of this ENTIRE MASSIVE ESTATE hangs on one concert held in one moderately-sized front room??

Neo-Maxi Zoom Dweeb-ery

There’s been a massive rise in the ‘grey’ market over the last couple of years. Smart, really – while advertisers continue to target the 25-54 demo, Baby Boomers have the highest disposable income of any age bracket. Those bitches got money to burn, yo! Of late we’ve seen Meryl Streep become the Doris Day of the middle-aged romcom (It’s Complicated, Hope Springs); there’s even been a middle-aged action flick (Red and its upcoming sequel, Red 2). So watch this space, there'll probably be more to come.

Truth?

Definitely an easy movie to watch and pleasant enough for your mum.

Bender Fist Pumps

3/5

#GoldenYears #Romance #Musical #Comedy